On the Edge
by marisa ann
Summary: After taking a suicidal jump off a cliff, Princess Azula completely loses her memory and has no idea who she is. Now it is time for her to find a new identity with the Gaang's help. Includes friendship, trust issues, instinct vs. morality, complicated brother/sister relationship and much more.
1. i: awakening

On The Edge

Chapter I: Awakening

.x.x.

_à la folie._ ( to insanity )

.x.x.

I didn't know I was drowning until I broke the surface.

And then I was being dragged ashore, and everything was a hopelessly indecipherable blur, and I could hear little else but for the waves crashing against the beach. I stared unseeingly at the pale sand, trying to focus on something-anything!-but finding I was unable to. I choked out a mouthful of seawater, cringing at the taste of salt.

I had hardly finished spitting out the last of the seawater when something jerked my body so I was laying on my back. A fuzzy figure loomed above me, and it was dripping water all over my already-soaked body. Slowly, my vision returned to me and I made out the image of a pale boy, probably eighteen or so, with black hair that was currently sticking to his face. I was startled by the sight of a scar on the left side of his face. It marred his otherwise decent-looking features.

The boy crouched down in front of me, scowling heavily. "What were you thinking?! Have you lost your mind?!"

I stared at him uncomprehendingly. "I...what are you talking about?" My voice was raspy from swallowing so much seawater.

He looked appalled. "What do you _think_ I'm talking about? Did you take a waltz off the cliff for the thrill of it?"

"I...walked off a cliff?"

"Yes!" he cried out. He pointed above him. "That cliff!"

I looked momentarily up at the cliff. It arched high over the churning waves, higher than any normal person could fall from and survive. Then I switched my attention back to the boy, puzzled once again.

"Why would I jump off a cliff?"

The boy's golden eyes were filled with irritation. "That's what I want to know!"

He grasped my wrists and tugged me up, but not roughly. I was completely confused. I looked all around me and recognized exactly none of my surroundings. I knew that we were on a beach, but I knew I'd never seen it before. This boy, too, he was unrecognizable. So why did he talk to me as if he knew me? And why did he seem so distrustful of me?

"I'm sorry, I really don't know what you're saying," I said, my voice trembling.

The boy looked back at me, hesitating. He looked like he was struggling between distrust and concern. "You really don't know? You just ran off from the asylum and jumped off the cliff."

"No, I don't!" I said desperately. "And I don't know who you are, either. So please don't take me to an asylum. I don't know who I am but I'm _not_ crazy!"

He looked at me for a long moment, and I could see the battle of mixed emotions in his eyes. He didn't know what to do. Before he could say anything, however, there was a shout from the near distance.

"Zuko! Are you alright?" A bald boy wearing robes of orange and gold hopped over the cliff sides with impressive agility. He rushed over to me and the boy he'd addressed as Zuko and stopped a few feet away from us. "Do you, er, need any help with her?"

"I'm fine," responded the scarred boy. "But she isn't. I think she might've hit her head." He sighed, as if in exasperation. "She says she doesn't know what happened to her."

The bald boy looked startled at this news. "How can we tell she's not lying?"

"We can't. Let's just bring her to the palace for now and sort things out," said the boy called Zuko heavily. He looked sideways at me, his eyes still narrowed. "I think we should bind her wrists, though, just in case she tries anything."

"Why?" I blurted out. "If I was really in an asylum before this, why should I be treated like a criminal?"

"Because you're dangerous," said Zuko simply, as he stepped back. The bald boy came forward. I looked at him nervously and jumped when he hit the ground roughly with his foot and large rock launched itself upward. He thrust, and rock suddenly sprang open, closed itself around both my hands, and snapped shut. Now my hands were encased within the rock and no amount of tugging could release them.

A sort of panic started to come over me and the voices of the bald boy and Zuko started to fade out. All I could hear was the pounding of my heartbeat echoing inside my head. I was trembling violently and terror washed over every sense.

"I...please..." I cried out feebly. The feeling of my hands being trapped within the rock triggered a state of absolute fear within me and I had no idea why. I just knew I had to get out of this situation. I wanted to plead with my captors, but I couldn't see them or hear them any longer.

Something seemed to ignite within me, then. In that very second, everything suddenly sharpened so my senses were clearer than ever. The rock binding my wrists together instantly burst into sapphire flames, effectively releasing me from its vice. Zuko swung around, catching my wrist, but my energy had already depleted and I sagged.

"Please don't trap me again," I panted as my vision faded.

"Azula, what is wrong with you?!" Zuko demanded, glaring into my eyes.

I stared at him. "Who is Azula?"

* * *

**Author's Note**: Yes, this is a short chapter. The rest won't be like this. This is more of a prologue or introduction than anything, but I made it the actual chapter one because it's obviously a key event within the story.

Please leave a review if you can, it helps me write the chapters to come. Gives me motivation, you could say.

Until the next chapter!

- _mari_


	2. ii: liar

On The Edge

Chapter II: Liar

.x.x.

_à la folie._ ( to insanity )

.x.x.

They didn't trap me again, to my relief. They were careful of that. Instead, I was led up the cliff-side by the bald boy and the scarred boy-Zuko-brought up the rear a few feet behind me. I got the feeling I was being watched intensely, and even the boy in front of me glanced behind him every once in awhile. Nobody spoke at all and it was a tense silence. I had the feeling the tense atmosphere was caused by me; or, rather, it was caused by the person they thought I was, Azula.

I tried not to be too concerned about the silence and I instead looked all around me at my surroundings. It was the only constant thing in my currently jumbled-up world. Nothing made sense in my head right now, but I could look around and see how nature hadn't changed at all. I knew that badgerfrogs were hopping around within the trees, as I could hear their throaty croaks. I knew I would also find squirrel-toads, even if I couldn't hear them. I knew what I could find in these forests, but I didn't know anything else about them. They were as unrecognizable to me as the boys bringing me up the cliff-face.

Once we climbed over the top, a long green field spread out before us. There were a few koala-sheep roaming around, but they trotted away as soon as we approached. Over the crest of the hill, two people came running toward us. They looked similar, like they were related. Both had dark brown hair and vibrant blue eyes and they were wearing clothes of blue and brown that were designed like they came from the Poles. No doubt they were from one of the Water Tribes. But why would they be here? I didn't know where we were, but I was positive it wasn't anywhere near either of the Poles.

"Aang, Zuko!" called the male, waving his arm. He looked to be about eighteen or so. I leaned over slightly and that was all it took for him to notice me. His face took on a scowl and he got into a defensive position, pulling out a boomerang of all things. "You!"

"What's Azula doing with you?" demanded the girl. She looked younger than the boy, but also more formidable. Mostly because she drew a load of water out of a container at her waist.

"You guys didn't see it," said the boy in front of me, who the Water Tribe boy had addressed as Aang. "Zuko and I saw her running, and - "

"How about we explain it later?" interrupted Zuko. There was an edge to his voice and I looked down. He didn't want me to overhear whatever Aang was about to say. "Anyway, we're bringing her back to the palace - "

"You're _what_?!" the Water Tribe girl practically shrieked. "Zuko, she's tried to kill you half a dozen times! She's tried to kill _all_ of us!"

"Really, Katara? I had no idea," retorted Zuko scathingly.

The Water Tribe boy frowned. "Yeah, did you forget about the time she kidnapped Suki and nearly killed us while we were trying to rescue her?"

"And how about the time she aimed lightning at me during your Agni Kai with her?" added Katara. She looked at Aang. "Did you forget Azula actually _did_ kill you, and it was only by spirit water I was able to heal you?"

"No, I didn't forget!" protested Aang. "Just hear us out!"

Behind me, Zuko let out a deep breath. "It seems like Azula has lost her memory."

I felt like I was having a serious out-of-body experience. This girl they thought I was - Azula - seemed to have been a horrible person. Hard as I tried to make myself remember anything about myself, I couldn't. Even as they all brought up events in which Azula had tried to hurt them, I wasn't able to summon any memories whatsoever of them nor of the things that they claimed had happened.

"Of course she's lying!" snarled Katara. "Zuko, are you really going to let her walk into your _home?_ She's obsessed with killing you!"

_Killing him?_ I stared at Katara in shock. Was she accusing me of wanting to kill Zuko, a person I hardly knew? _No_, I reminded myself. They thought I was a different person. I couldn't have wanted to kill anyone, let alone _tried_ to kill anyone. You'd have to be a downright monster to do that. And I was positive I was _not_ a monster.

"Well, I haven't got much of a choice!" snapped Zuko. "We tried to seal her wrists together with Aang's earthbending."

"She freaked out and made the stone explode," explained Aang. "Being trapped seems to trigger some kind of defensive instinct in her."

"Or she's lying," said Katara stubbornly.

"Everyone's innocent until proven guilty," offered Aang.

"But she _has_ been proven guilty," the Water Tribe boy pointed out. "Several times!"

I moved to the right and almost instantly everyone had some kind of weapon aimed at me. At their reaction, I instinctively fell into a fighting stance, my veins flooding with adrenaline again.

"Azula, extinguish your fire," ordered Aang, his voice holding surprising force for a boy who looked only fourteen.

I looked down and noticed with shock my hand was enveloped in blue flames. I stared at it for a second, awestruck. My fire was _blue_? I'd never heard of such a thing. In fact, I thought dumbly, I didn't even know I could firebend. But I suppose, now that I thought about it, that would make sense. I'd made that rock Aang had wrapped around my wrists explode.

I closed my hand and the fire went out, and I straightened out of my fighting stance. Everyone was still watching me carefully.

"I'm sorry," I said carefully, thinking that anything I said could trigger some sort of fight to the death. "I didn't mean to react like that. You all just looked threatening and I..." I trailed off, my mouth going dry. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't explain myself at all. "Please believe me when I tell you that I don't know what's going on."

They all stared at me for what seemed like a long time. There was distrust in every single one of their eyes, distrust formed over years of mistreatment, I realized. This Azula person had been truly horrid to these people and it was suddenly terrifying to me that I had either lost touch of who I was, or that I was really this monster these four people seemed to know me as. Neither prospect looked good for me.

"We're taking her back to the palace," said Zuko at last, lowering his fists and straightening. "We don't have much of a choice. Let's just go."

Nobody argued this time. The Water Tribe siblings (at least, I thought they were siblings) shot me one last glare before falling into step with Aang and Zuko.

* * *

They had kept saying _palace_ and that they were going to bring me back to it, but I wasn't sure what I had been expecting. Certainly not this.

We emerged from the low hills and there on top of the next hill sat the palace. It was enormous and it was beautiful, with two buildings on either side of the high spire in the middle. It was painted a dull red and I was positive the rest of it was made of pure gold. I noticed armored guards patrolling along the walls of the palace, and on each floor that I could see from the outside.

Once inside, I found it was even more grandiose. Did Zuko seriously _live_ here? It was hard to believe, somehow, that this scarred, angry boy lived in this palace surely built for royalty. Which brought on the question: Who exactly was Zuko to live in a place like this?

My question was almost immediately answered when a servant approached him. "Fire Lord Zuko, dinner is ready. Will Avatar Aang, Lady Katara, and Sokka be joining you?" I shifted slightly and his eyes widened as he noticed me. He seemed to take a step back, looking fearful suddenly. "And, er, Lady Azula?"

While the Water Tribe boy complained in the background ("What, everyone else gets a cool title and I don't? Really?!"), I reeled at the fact that Zuko was the Fire Lord. The _Fire Lord_, leader of the entire Fire Nation. He didn't look any older than eighteen or nineteen and he led this country? I didn't know what had happened to his predecessors but I was sure it was a long and complicated story to end with a teenager being crowned as Fire Lord.

"Yes, they'll all be joining me," replied Zuko. "_Including_ Azula."

I shivered at the icy look Katara gave me in that moment. It appeared she resented me and I had no idea why. I did know one thing, however: this was going to be an interesting dinner, to say in the least.

* * *

**Author's Note**: First of all, thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I was so happy when I saw them and learned you guys were eager to read more of my little story here. That pushed me more than anything to get up this next chapter earlier than I normally would have.

Second of all, I have a little explaining to do. Azula has no clue who she is or who specific individuals are or what has happened in history, but she _does_ know everything about the world she lives in. So it's like when someone has amnesia, they don't forget what a dog is, right? Or that people drive in cars. Of course she's going to know what a badgermole and a dragon is because that's the world she lives in. Same with bending and identifying what culture someone is from. She would know Sokka and Katara are from a Water Tribe, but she doesn't know which one. She can just tell from their clothes and she'd probably be able to tell from their general appearance too (light brownish skin tone, blue eyes, dark hair). But, then, she also knows that fire is normally orange, yellow, or red when firebenders use it, so she knows it's different when she bends and blue fire appears. So there's that.

If anyone has questions or something to point out, I'd be happy to answer them. I want to make this as not-confusing as possible. Azula here is an unreliable narrator, but I'm a reliable author so feel free to ask for clarification on anything. I'll answer unless it's something I plan to cover in the future of the story.

Until the next chapter!

- _mari_


	3. iii: guest

On The Edge

Chapter III: Guest

.x.x.

_à la folie._ ( to insanity )

.x.x.

"Smoked sea slug, Lady Azula?"

It took a lot of my willpower to force myself to look away from the half-fearful, half-smiling face of the servant girl offering me a plate of the steaming dish. I nodded quietly and she slid the plate in front of me before bowing and scurrying away.

We had only made it to the main course and I had already had enough. Not of the food, but of the way everyone was treating me. That servant girl had been the last of at least a dozen other servants who had looked terrified to even approach me. It was as if I was some kind of rabid animal, waiting to strike. And if I made a sudden movement, they would cringe as if I intended to slap them.

I had to admit, it hurt.

Meanwhile, no one other than the servants offering me food had spoken to me. Zuko mainly spoke to Aang or remained in a brooding sort of silence. When one of the servants placed a purely vegetarian dish in front of him, Aang enthusiastically thanked him. It was only when another servant offered him a beverage ("Ginseng Tea, Avatar Aang?") that I realized with a jolt Aang wasn't just any Air Nomad. He was the _Avatar_. I vaguely recalled his title being mentioned along with Zuko's earlier, but I'd been more distracted at the prospect of Zuko being Fire Lord than Aang's status as the Avatar.

Looking back, I should have paid more attention to the fact Aang was the Avatar. I felt I should have treated him with more respect than I did. I had thought of him as a mere boy when he was, in fact, the master of all four elements and the keeper of peace in our world.

"What are you looking at?" Katara snapped when she caught me staring at Aang (no doubt looking dumbfounded).

I looked down at my dish, flushing. "I - it's just, I didn't expect the Avatar to be..." I trailed off helplessly. Katara continued to glare but Zuko looked up sharply.

"You don't know Aang is the Avatar?" he asked.

I shook my head.

"But you know _of_ the Avatar?"

I nodded in confirmation.

Zuko sat back in his chair, not saying anything else, and Katara set her jaw and glowered. "I still don't believe her. It's all some part of a scheme to kill Aang, I'm sure of it."

"Why would I want to kill Aang?" I burst out. I folded my arms. "Or anyone, for that matter," I added.

Katara looked like she wanted to rip my head off while Sokka casually speared a komodo sausage and said, "I think that question would be best answered by our friend Zuko. What do you say?" He pointed the end of his sausage at Zuko before biting it off the end of his chopstick.

Zuko sighed in exasperation. "That's a long and complicated story." He gave me a sideways glance, looking wary. "And I'm not sure you would want to know anyway."

I bit my lip. He was right, I wasn't sure I wanted to know what I might have done in my past and my reasoning for wanting to kill anyone. But I at least wanted to know why _he_ thought Azula would have wanted to kill the Avatar. "What happened that would have caused me to have a desire to kill Aang?" I asked.

Everyone was quiet. Even Sokka had stopped eating to look between me and Zuko. The Fire Lord looked far older than nineteen for a moment as his gold eyes went out of focus. "Because for a long time the Fire Nation wanted the Avatar dead. And you, as...part of the Fire Nation, also had a desire to kill him." He closed his eyes a moment. "You were just more determined than anyone else."

A whole nation wanted the Avatar dead? It didn't make any sense. "Why would the Fire Nation want Aang dead?" I wanted to know. "He keeps the peace and balance in our world. Why would anyone want to ruin that?" I let out a shaky breath, perturbed by everyone's gazes on me, and looked for something to do. I grabbed a knife and started busily cutting into the smoked sea slug.

"You mean you don't remember anything that's happened in the past hundred years?" I didn't look up, but Zuko's tone sounded shocked. "You were the one that remembered our history lessons best."

"No, I don't remember - " I started, looking up briefly.

I caught Sokka's eye just as he exclaimed, "I think that's a good question to ask _your great-granddad_ Fire Lord Sozin!"

The knife abruptly slipped from my grip and flew off the edge of the table, clanging loudly to the floor at my feet. I stared blankly at Sokka and hardly noticed that Zuko seemed to be shoving his chair back in a burst of emotion. Sokka's exclamation had been directed to me, but surely, _surely_, he wasn't talking about _my_ great-grandfather. Zuko was related to the previous Fire Lords, not me. _Surely_ not me. Because then...

I stood up suddenly and half the table stood up with me, looking alarmed at my movement. Distantly, I thought I would have to get used to everyone's tension since they all seemed to be expecting me to attack them. But right then I didn't particularly care. I had to be alone.

I pushed off of the table and raced across the length of the room. I felt a shard of ice skim the side of my arm, but I didn't stop or slow down. I bolted through the hallways, ignoring the shouts behind me. The guards I did see didn't react quickly enough to my entrance and I rushed past them easily. My feet were taking me through the palace as if I owned the place, like they had a mind of their own and knew exactly where to go. I blindly ran down a last hallway and kicked open the final door to the right, slamming it closed behind me.

I slid slowly down the door and sat with my back pressed against it. I pulled my knees up to my chin and tried to get my breathing under control. It wasn't all the running that had taken my breath away - it was the panic. I could feel it rising in my throat like bile, threatening to overwhelm me. This was all too much. I couldn't handle this.

"Azula!"

A shout echoed down the hallway and I knew that they had caught up to me. So much for getting my breathing under control. I felt like I was drowning again, except this time it was something worse than water and waves.

There seemed to be voices arguing. It went on like that for a while and I caught snippets of the furious conversation:

" - she'll attack you - "

" - it's all a trap, she's going to - "

" - we don't know that - !"

Finally, the voices stopped and I sagged in relief. I pressed my cheek to my knee, breathing deeply, my eyes closed.

A soft knock on the door made me jump.

"Azula, will you let me in?"

That was definitely Zuko's voice. He didn't sound mad or frustrated or upset at all. I waited another moment before scooting away from the door settling myself against the wall a few yards away.

"Okay," I said.

There was another moment's hesitation and then the door opened. Zuko leaned his head in, not inching forward another step until his eyes found me. Then he pushed into the room, closing the door behind him, and tentatively sat a couple feet away from me.

We sat in silence for several minutes, just looking at each other. His posture was impeccable: formal, straight-backed, his hands in his lap. The posture of a true Fire Lord. Yet, I thought it didn't suit him. His black hair was still messy and damp-looking from his dive into the sea. He'd changed out his wet clothes for new ones earlier, an offer that I hadn't been given. He looked strong and fit and capable of being a Fire Lord, but he still looked so young. He couldn't be twenty yet. I wondered how much pressure that put on him. A teenage Fire Lord. I wondered how the Fire Nation citizens felt about him. Did they love him or were they skeptical of him? I had nothing to go off of since I didn't know of the events that had led him to where he was today, sitting here with a half-insane girl.

"Why did you run away?" he asked at last.

I tried very hard not to think about the implications of Sokka's words. So I simply said, "I got scared."

He ran a hand through his hair and then his posture slumped into something I would expect from a teenager. Now his weight was all on his elbows as he rested them on his thighs. The posture suited him better. "You sort of scared us, too," he retorted, sounding a little frustrated.

"Sorry," I muttered.

We were quiet for a while after that short exchange too. I tore my eyes away from him long enough to scan the room I was in. It was large, grandiose, and most of it didn't seem to have many personal additions from the owner other than a painting above the large bed. It was a picture of a young, pretty girl kneeling in between the tall, looming figure of a man and her hair was being gently touched by the gentle-looking woman standing beside him. I focused on the young girl, seeing she had her hair up in a neat bun with a crown placed in front of it. Only two strands of hair escaped the bun and framed her face.

"Zuko," I said, grabbing his attention. I looked sharply away from the painting, a feeling a dread flooding over me. "Who is Azula?"

He held my gaze for a long moment before he looked briefly around the room. "Azula is the crown princess of the Fire Nation. She's my sister." His eyes rested on the painting across the room. "And this is her room."

I looked down. My hands were trembling in my lap. I felt as if I had known it all along but I still couldn't believe it. "Am I really Azula?"

Zuko let out a bitter laugh. "Not the Azula I know."

I glanced up at him. He looked a little guilty and he couldn't meet my eyes. We were quiet for another span of time and I slowly got my breathing and panic under control. I started to accept everything. I started to accept what had to happen now. When Zuko could meet my eyes again, I spoke.

"Then can you forget about the Azula you knew?" I asked.

His golden eyes widened a fraction, and then narrowed. "No," he said darkly. Before I could protest, he went on, "But I _can_ help you find a better version of yourself." His lips turned up into a small but genuine smile. "Don't worry, I've had prior experience."

I got the feeling he was talking about himself. "Okay," I agreed. I hesitated, then added, "But if you can..._don't_ tell me about the person I used to be. I have a bad feeling that could ruin everything."

* * *

**Author's Note**: Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I'm glad you guys are still interested in reading on after the second chapter. I feel like some people sort of lose interest after the cliffhanger of the first chapter but a lot of you guys are still here so that's great! I have a lot planned for this story!

Guest: _So she remembers that a sky bison is a giant bison-manatee hybrid that flies? And winged lemurs are lemur-bat hybrids? Does she remember the hundred year war and its major events: purges of the Air Nomads, fall of Ba Sing Se, attack of the Northern Water Tribe etc?_

- She knows of the beasts of the world she lives in, just like everyone knows what a dog is because it's part of the world we live in. Sky bison and flying lemurs were likely in abundance when the Air Nomads were still around so it wouldn't make sense if Azula had no clue what they were yet also didn't know what happened to the Air Nomads. She knows nothing of the Hundred Year War or its major events. It's like none of it ever happened. So it'll be quite a rude awakening when she has to be told her family started a war against the rest of the world, hahhh.

So that just about wraps it up for this chapter. I thoroughly enjoy writing scenes with just Zuko and Azula and I'm excited for more of their interactions in future chapters. They've never had a normal brother-sister relationship so we'll see more of that in upcoming chapters. ;)

Until the next chapter!

- _mari_


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